Haven’t done a holiday themed unicorn blog yet, but it’s Veterans Day, and thought I should pick out a special unicorn for those who have served. Didn’t take long to punch in the requirements. Had to be 4WD/AWD, of course – don’t want to be restricted to asphalt. And diesel. The third world thrives on diesel. Run flat tires – not stoppping if we can avoid it. Room for four shooters and all their gear. Low profile color. And 21st century troops need technology – heads up display to stay focused on the horizon, rear view camera and blind spot monitoring to track bogeys, Bluetooth to communicate with Hqs, and a killer sound system for when off the net.  Cold weather package because pretty much everywhere in the world it gets cold at night, and the US military owns the night. Bummed I could not find something with all this and night vision, too! And just in case you read no further, thanks to all who have served in the armed forces in defense of this great nation. Check out Jason Isbell’s tribute, “Tour of Duty”, for those who came home safe.
Only one vehicle had pretty much everything needed, and at first I was bummed it was not a Humvee (there’s one at the bottom of this page as a back up plan. Military folks always have a back up plan). It’s a BMW!. But then I thought after all our troops have been through, this would be a really sweet ride. And having been to Iraq and Afghanistan, I know our Special Operations Forces are not unfamiliar with BMW’s, and BMW is not unfamiliar with tough places either – especially armored BMW’s. (Somewhere in a shoe box, pre-internet days, is a picture of me driving a lightly armored BMW 320 in the Middle East!).
At $34,998 this 2016 BMW 535 dxi would be a really nice unicorn for any road warrior. I was actually surprised to find a two-year old car with low miles, still under factory warranty. Means MaxCare will be really cheap and take this car to 2023 and 150,000 miles without paying for a repair. The diesel will only be getting broken in by then! The expensive electonic gizmos would all be covered, though, and well worth it.
The in-line, twin-turbo six-cylinder diesel puts out 255hp and 413 ft-lbs of torque, and with an eight-speed automatic is good for a mid-5 second 0-60mph run and get this, a 550 mile cruising range on a tank of diesel! Stole some of that from the great Car and Driver review in 2014 (car was unchanged for 2016), where they estimated a fully optioned AWD 535d would run close to $90,000. If that was the price tag for this California leased car, here it is at a deep discount two years later at almost a third the price. I love me some depreciation. The 2015 model was named the Diesel Car of the Year. Even the great and candid Jalopnik reviewer dug it. This is a car I could learn to love on road trips. Owned an E34 1992 BMW 525i in-line six when I lived in Germany and could pull off 600 miles on a tank, and comfortably cruise as long and as far as the bladder could handle. Find this car here in San Jose, California. 
BUT IF YOU REALLY WANTED A HUMMER…THIS ONE IS APPROPRIATELY FOR SALE IN INDEPENDENCE, MISSOURI (NO BETTER PLACE FOR A VETERANS DAY CAR!)
DOUBLE BONUS….A SOLDIER AND HIS RIDE
That would be Private (E-2!) Chuck Banks in 1979, preening over my first “real” car, a 1977 AMC Gremlin – bizarrely it came with a factory 2.0 liter VW engine, the same as in the Porsche 924. Understand only 7,800 or so Gremlins were built with this engine. It was my first real car because my four previous cars in high school cost me all of $500 total, and one of them was free. The car was two years old when I bought it, priced at $2,100, and the dealer boosted the price to $3,100 and gave me a $1,000 rebate we called a down payment so I could get financing. A few days after this photo I drove the car from my parents’ Baltimore home to my first duty assignment at Fort Riley, Kansas. My first long distance road trip – get on I-70 at Exit 16A, drive 1,200 miles, Exit 299 for Junction City, Kansas. The trip was most notable because a lady pulled out between a line of cars and I t-boned her somewhere past Dayton, Ohio. Her car was towed away. The Gremlin soldiered on. Even more amazing, that was 39 years ago and my last traffic accident of any kind ( I don’t count an offroading rollover goofing off in a ’77 Ford Fiesta or deliberate, if you will, ramming a truck sort of on purpose in self-defense, with another truck….they don’t count.) The Gremlin played a prominent role in buying my first new car – a 1980 AMC Spirit. The only dealer that would take a trade-in Gremlin was an AMC dealer. I miss the Gremlin and the Spirit. My Dad owned many Ramblers so I guess it’s in my blood. And he was a veteran, too! That’s him on the left, me on the right. Thank you for your service, Dad.
Thank YOU for your service!
Great post! You have been on quite a roll as of late, in fact; as entertaining and witty as ever. I get excited anytime I see a new post. Thanks for all the interesting content.
I just recently saw an AMC Gremlin at the Forney Museum of Transportation in Denver; part of their Cars of the 70s exhibit. Thought the funky hatchback had aged fairly well.
Happy belated Veterans’ Day. Keep up the terrific writing!
Man….so many comments are spam from India…I missed your comment! Will be more vigilant. Will also be more active in 2019. Thanks – Chuck.
Well belated thank you to you, too! First cars, like first girl friends, are always special no matter how peculiar. Hoping first girl friend not reading this.