Mild or Spicy? Fair Question for Chicken and Cars, and Six Menu Choices.

Earlier this week there was a decent preseason NFL game between the local Washington Commanders and my hometown Baltimore Ravens and that meant dinner in the recliner watching football. And football often means fried chicken. Popeyes being the closest joint I fired up the M3 and raced my way into the drive-through slalom for a four piece chicken meal with Cajun fries, cole slaw and a biscuit.

It didn’t take long for the dullness of preseason tryouts to set in, and so with greasy fingers I found myself scrolling the CarMax website for unicorns. And I noticed that just like the chicken choice at Popeyes, mild or spicy, many of these cars are available the same way. And so here are three pairs that you can have either way. The choice is yours.

First on the family-sized menu are a pair of Jaguar XF’s. Have to be careful here. Have gotten to know a great guy and Jaguar owner through this blog and we met for drinks once to talk cars. I mentioned this “mild or spicy” angle and implied his XJ was mild because there’s an XJR version. He noted his 5.0 liter V-8 was not exactly sluggish and he was correct. The 2012 Jaguar XF Portfolio below has exactly the same motor, rated at 385 hp, and runs a very respectable five second 0-60 mph time. The XJ only weighs a little more so probably not far off. Regardless, this XF reminds me of the unicorns I posted about when I first started this blog – it’s selling for $17,998, and there’s a slew of boring-ass cars you could be driving but don’t have to if you’re trying to keep costs down. Throw in a couple of grand for MaxCare and drive worry free, in style, for the next five years.

The black XF above is a little newer (2015), with fewer miles, and $11,000 more, but boasts the spicy, supercharged 5.0 liter V-8 making 470 hp. It is called (cleverly) the XF Supercharged! The additional horsepower drops the 0-60 time to 4.7 seconds and a governed 155 mph top speed. It also growls and snarls more aggressively. Sometimes that’s important.

The Portfolio interior (above) and the Supercharged interior (below) are pretty much the same. Nicely appointed, handsome trim. The Supercharged has a heated steering wheel and Meridian audio system. Both have heated and air conditioned seats.

The obligatory motor shots. Portfolio above, Supercharged below. I was hoping for something drastic on the Supercharged model, like giant intakes or orange heat panels like on a rocket ship, but no. To me indistinguishable. To Jaguar folks, I suspect they could spot the differences immediately.

The 2012 Jaguar XF Portfolio is milder than the Supercharged but is probably the better bargain. Eleven years old, decent mileage, burgundy over cream colors (just right for the Washington Commanders’ region), and a bargain price at $18k – sold new for maybe $60,000. It’s a four owner, accident free car. MaxCare to 125,000 miles. It can be tracked here as it’s on the way to Lafayette, Louisiana. And Lafayette is about 2 1/2 hours from where Popeyes got its start, just outside of New Orleans!

Stock No: 24462335 VIN: SAJWA0HB7CLS45542

The spicy 2015 Jaguar XF Supercharged below sold for maybe $70,000 and is now $28,998. It’s got quite the sleeper profile, with very muted exterior badging to indicate the super-stuffed motor. With only 40,000 miles MaxCare is available for another 85,000 – plenty of cruising cap. It’s currently on reserve in Clearwater, Florida so here’s the link to keep tabs on this quick tabby.

Stockno: 24502433 VIN: SAJWA0HP4FMU65358

(Secret Bonus Car below – a beautiful 2012 XF below with only 23,000 miles, a V-8 engine, beautiful blue over gray, and a $23,998 price tag! It’s here in Jacksonville, Florida.)

Stockno: 24337773 VIN: SAJWA0FB5CLS37782

Moving on to the Mercedes mild and spicy coupes. Mild this time is a 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL550, a two door S-class, if you will, nicely appointed and with only 40,000 miles. Spicy is the 2013 CL63. I guess “Blazing” would be the CL65! The 2014 model was the last of the CL class, with 2015 introducing the coupe as a real S-class (S550). From the B-pillar forward it’s a true S-class. It’s also fairly rare, and I almost never see CL’s of any kind on the road.

Both cars have heated and air conditioned seats, heated steering wheels, night vision assist (yes!), and adjustable suspension. The CL550 has AWD but does not have automated cruise control (disappointing). It also don’t have the cool AMG logos and the speedo tops out at 160 mph, unlike the 200 mph AMG speedo on the CL63. The CL63 is RWD only. Like the Jaguars, the Mercedes are both understated sleepers; no wings or louvers, although the AMG has quad exhaust and a few badges.

Big differences under the hood, although without the AMG badging it would be hard to tell which engine is which. The CL550 above is a 4.7 liter twin-turbo V-8 rated at 429 hp and 516 ft-lbs of torque way down low at 1,800 rpm. Like the displacement, it hits 60 mph in 4.7 seconds. The CL63 works a 5.5 liter V-8 twin turbo (does it look .8 liters larger?) rocking 536 hp and 590 ft-lbs of torque. That buys you maybe a half-second quicker sprint to 60 mph, but you get to brag to no one who cares (like I do) that your AMG motor was hand-built by one gedude in Affalterbach, Germany. Oddly, the builder’s signature plate is missing on the CL63 engine below. I’d ask CarMax to replace it, but how do you know who the original builder was? Now that I think about it, I haven’t looked at the signature plate on my Alabama-manufactured GLE63s AMG. Wondering if it was also built in Germany or will the plate read “Hand Built by Ricky Bobby”?

The mild 2014 Mercedes CL550 is on reserve here in Edison, New Jersey. It sold new for maybe $116,000 and is currently $36,998. Presume up to $5,000 for MaxCare and it’s still a decent amount of car for the money. It’s a three-owner, accident-free Mercedes from the Midwest. Last of a generation.

Stockno: 24700200 VIN: WDDEJ9EB6EA031908

The 2013 Mercedes CL63 AMG below, though, sold north of $150,000 when new and is only $5,000 more than the CL550. It’s spicy, a little better equipped and a whole lot more muscular underneath (I’ve never been described that way – probably the chicken). It’s got 15,000 more miles, though, and MaxCare is going to bump the price over $45,000. Also, it’s a four-owner car and the first had a minor accident in California and the second may have been hit in the rear and was towed. That would give me pause and for sure I would get it checked out by a professional during the 30 day return window. It’s currently on reserve here in Kansas City, Kansas.

Stockno: 24381238 VIN: WDDEJ7EB1DA031415

The final menu choices are a pair of non-911 Porsches, a mild 2014 Boxster and its more spicy sibling, a 2014 Cayman S. Both are mid-engined, third-generation models (technically second for the Cayman), with the Boxster making its debut in 1996 and the Cayman in 2005. The web tells us that “the nameplate Boxster is a portmanteau of boxer, a reference to its flat or boxer engine, and roadster, a reference to the body style. The nameplate Cayman is an alternative spelling of caiman, a member of the alligator family.” (For the record, the only other time I’ve seen portmanteau was in the description of the Panaray sound system in the Cadillac CT6 I took home for a test drive here.)

Can’t go into these cars without (again?) including the time I lived in Stuttgart and went running with my older German neighbor. He once let me drive his 911, the first time I’d driven one. During our run I mentioned that I lived in Germany in the 80’s when the 924, 944, and 928 were introduced. Here we were decades later and the Boxster and Cayman sports cars were out, and I asked how legit they were compared to the 911. His response was, “Oh the Boxster and Cayman are very good cars. For ladies.”. Rude.

That said, in my old neighborhood here in Virginia I had a neighbor who trailered a Porsche 911 to club races most weekends. His daily driver? A Boxster. Visited my old neighborhood not too long ago, and he’s now racing a Cayman. I love the iconic 911 and will own another, yet there’s a case to be made that the Cayman can be the better sports car. Here’s an old Car and Driver article that compared the two if you want a deep dive, technical review.

From the B-pillars forward, inside and out the cars are pretty much identical. Both have heated seats, and the Cayman has the premium and sports package. The Boxster’s a convertible and the Cayman a hatchback (duh). The cockpit is identical to the 911 of the same era (Porsche 991 models) and yet, for me, the huge difference is for tall guys the seats can’t recline because of the mid-engined bulkhead. The 911 has that ceremonial rear seat that allows for recline.

Both interiors are beautiful (to me) and efficient. I really like the black/white in the Boxster (although it reminds me of ice cream sandwiches and makes me hungry) and the always luxurious looking (to me) tan in the Cayman.

The mandatory (to me) engine bay shots, always boring for these cars because there’s no motor to be seen. Nice to have not one but two trunks, though, and as with Etta, my beloved and now gone 911, the front trunk holds a standard sized airline checkable suit case. Quite surprising. The Boxster and Cayman can move that in the front and a carry on in the trunk!

But where does the mild and spicy gibberish come from, you ask? The Boxster has the 2.7 liter six-cylinder boxer engine rated at 265 hp and 206 ft-lbs of torque. With the 7-speed PDK transmission it hits 60 mph in the mid five second range. Not incredibly fast and yet sports car fun. The Cayman S, though, has the same 3.4 liter motor found in the base 911, pumping 325 hp and 273 ft-lbs of torque, dropping the sprint to 4.7 seconds. It’s a faster and better handling car. But it comes at a price – the Cayman is $10,000 more than the Boxster. Both cars are eligible for MaxCare for 60 months and 125,000 miles. For the record, my 911 rarely broke and repairs didn’t exceed the price paid for the warranty. That said, I sold the car with a year and 10,000 miles left on the warranty and CarMax returned a healthy prorated portion of the MaxCare price.

The mild 2014 Porsche Boxster is a two-owner, accident-free California car that’s currently here in Sacramento, California.

Stockno: 24473767 VIN: WP0CA2A80EK120743

The spicy 2014 Porsche Cayman S has some questionable history, however. It’s a five-owner car that’s been handed off in Texas, and has a left front collision on the record that also resulted in a tow. Again, don’t know if that brings the value down enough to make it worth it. Would have it checked out. At the moment, it’s here in Houston.

And with that, I have to come clean that in the great competition of fried chicken, I’m really only into Kentucky Fried Chicken. Grew up on it and by far the best (to me). But Popeyes is way closer to my house and proximity offsets taste. And the Popeyes mild or spicy theme way more relevant for comparing cars than “Original or Crispy”. You’re welcome to comment if your experience is different! Thanks for reading.